When you take a look at your life, do you see what you want to see?
I’m not talking about whether all of your goals have been met or whether you have all the money that you would like.
What I mean is- do you feel like you’re on a journey towards your best, most successful self daily?
If you can’t answer that question with an enthusiastic “yes!“, read this quote:
“There will be times in your life when things simply have to be replaced because they are tired, broken, worn out, harmful, outdated, or irrelevant.Susan C. Young
Take an inventory of the things that no longer serve your best and highest good so you can replace them with things which do.”
What I want you to realize today is that sometimes, the thing you have to replace in your life is your mindset.
There are so many ways of thinking that we absorb from our environment and upbringing that don’t actually serve us.
The road to your best self is paved with daily improvements to your mind.
It’s time to challenge those ideas and see if they are in line with who you want to be.
So with that being said, I want to share 5 limiting and toxic mindsets that could be preventing you from becoming the best version of yourself, as well as 5 healthier mindsets to replace them with.
5 Problematic Mindsets
That Are Holding You Back
1. The “All or Nothing” Mentality
This is a toxic mindset that I struggle with on a daily basis.
For example, I often feel like I need to have an hour set aside to clean the house, instead of realizing that even 15 minutes on a daily basis adds up.
You may be a victim of this train of thought if you think you have to make a lot of money before you can donate to an important cause, instead of realizing that even giving your change makes an impact.
Another common one is if you believe that you can’t start a savings account until you make more money.
Progress is progress is progress.
Never underestimate the power of taking one step at a time.
Save $1 at a time.
Start the project 10 minutes at a time.
Start traveling within your state if you can’t travel internationally yet.
Write the book one paragraph per day!
It all adds up!
Life is made up of many small steps!
2. Worrying about your “haters”
I mean this next statement with love, kindness, sugar and honey but I’m just going to say it.
You have less real haters than you think.
Are you still there? If so, let me explain.
From what I’ve observed, people are naturally self-obsessed.
We spend most of our time thinking about ourselves. Normal people DON’T spend their time planning how they will ruin someone elses life.
And if you do have real haters, they have way less impact on your life than you think!
Your haters wouldn’t have so much power if you didn’t give them any.
Think about this:
You give your haters power when you get so focused on what they are doing or on “keeping them guessing” that you give them time that you could be spending on your actual goals and priorities!
You’re blaming your haters when its really your lack of attention that is hindering your progress
Your haters don’t just think about you and then boom! Things in your life go wrong.
That doesn’t happen!
And since that doesn’t happen, make the decision today to STOP CARING about them.
The time that you spend thinking about your haters is time that you could spend growing your skills, praying, learning and meditating, focusing on your growth and nurturing the good relationships in your life.
3. A Problem Oriented Mentality
Do you complain a lot? Do you tend to think that everyone else’s life is so much better than your own? Do you feel like you’re stagnant and never making any progress?
You may have a problem oriented mentality.
A problem oriented mentality is when you can identify all of the obstacles in the way of any goal, NOT for the purposes of solving the problems, but rather for the purposes of convincing yourself that you are powerless to change a situation.
It is finding all the reasons to give up before trying.
Replace this toxic mindset with a solution oriented mentality.
Try this – Develop a habit of brainstorming.
When you’re faced with an obstacle, take a piece of paper and think to yourself “what are all of the possible options and force yourself to write down possible solutions even if they seem completely out of reach.
Then, take some time to narrow the solutions down to probable strategies.
Like the best things in life, this will take practice if you are not used to doing it.
But, I promise, if this is something you struggle with, it is worth it.
You have the ability to influence your own life!
4. The “I should be further than this” mindset
Do you ever catch yourself angry because you are not as far in life as you think you should be?
Or find yourself impatient because you haven’t reached your goals yet?
Sometimes these thoughts come from comparing ourselves to other people.
Sometimes they come from a hurry to get to some imaginary “destination”.
Sometimes they come from wanting to feel “normal”; like you’re hitting life milestones at the same times that everyone else is hitting them.
No matter where it comes from, this feeling and mindset is not motivating. It is draining, discouraging and makes you feel like a failure.
Ask yourself- is there any predictable finish line when it comes to life?
Is there someone somewhere handing out participation ribbons saying “you made it just in time” or “congratulations, you’ve arrived“.
No, there isn’t.
Life is an ongoing PROJECT. It’s a forever project.
You are NOT late. This is your lane and your journey. There is no point of arrival in this life. You just keep changing, evolving, working on things, until your last breath.
In addition, stop comparing yourself to others because…
Comparison is the thief of joy.Theodore Roosevelt
5. The “What Will People Say” Mentality
There’s a lyric in the song No Hate by Bizzle that says “see ’em drowning in the middle of the ocean / when you pull up they be hatin’ on your boat“.
In other words, people are going to have something to say about you do regardless.
Whether you’re doing wonderfully or you’re doing poorly, someone will have something to say!
Another quote I keep in mind says “You can lie down for people to walk on you and they’ll still complain you’re not lying flat enough”.
You can’t please everyone and that’s just a fact of life.
Develop a counter-thought.
Whenever I catch myself worrying about what others might think, I activate my counter thoughts.
I ask myself
“Will I die because they think that? Will I spontaneously combust because they don’t agree with my decision?”
“Will my family be taken away from me? Will my job disappear? What actually changes because of what they think?”
The answer is almost always NOTHING.
And then I go on to do what’s best for me and mine.
I know that sometimes this is easier said than done.
Other people’s judgment can be crushing to the soul, especially in the areas where you feel vulnerable and sensitive.
But just remember:
There is only one way to avoid criticism: do nothing, say nothing, and be nothing.Aristotle
The road to your best self is paved with personal growth and personal growth starts with upgrading your mind.
I encourage you to check yourself when you catch yourself slipping into one of the 5 toxic mindsets above and replace them with a mindset that actually serves you.
Change isn’t easy and it’s definitely not instantaneous but it’s worth it.