Why I’m Sharing My Fertility Journey
We got married in March of 2017, with every (naive) intent of trying to conceive after 6 months of newlywedded bliss.
Well, I got pregnant 3 months later in June of 2017.
Unfortunately, I had an early miscarriage (full story here). While that loss was sad and unexpected, it was short lived. The next cycle, after shedding that first miscarriage, there came another big fat positive!
I thought that this was the one.
About 6 weeks into this second pregnancy, I was awakened by the most intense shooting pain that I have ever felt. That pregnancy was eventually deemed as an ectopic pregnancy (full story here). I was given 2 injections of methotrexate – a traumatizing experience of its own.
When my HCG finally dropped below undetectable (after months), we restarted our attempts at trying to conceive but for unknown reasons, was unable to conceive at all during the entire year of 2018, despite using OPKs and timing intercourse.
As one can imagine, this was a period of extreme emotional anguish. I had lost 2 pregnancies and due to the newness of my marriage and our recent move to the Midwest so that my husband could start a medical residency, I was at a complete loss for emotional and mental support. It was hard to determine what was worse: losing pregnancies or not being able to conceive at all at this point.
In January of 2019, I finally got another positive pregnancy test. I actually tested positive days before a trip to Paris. I got on that plane without telling my companions (my sister and best friend) about the pregnancy. By that time, I was all too familiar with pregnancy loss and I was nervous. Well, after about 4 days in Paris, my fears were actualized. I remember being hit with a crippling pain that made me fall to my knees in the AirBnB kitchen. I was immediately concerned about having another ectopic and in between tears, I managed to tell them that I was pregnant.
They then managed to get me to the local hospital which began a tough 24 hours of being worked up for ectopic pregnancy in a foreign country. Ultimately, it was deemed a pregnancy of unknown location because nothing was able to be visualized.
After returning to the United States, I saw my reproductive endocrinologist (RE) who at that time was suspicious of endometriosis. In March of 2019, I had a laparoscopy during which endometriosis was confirmed. My right fallopian tube was seen to be completely damaged and scarred and was taken out.
While one would think that would have led to more favorable results, I went on to have 4 additional pregnancy losses from 2019 through 2020.
After the 7th pregnancy loss in December of 2020, I saw an RE that suggested that my leftover fallopian tube was undetectably damaged. He suggested going straight to IVF to bypass the fallopian tubes, which is the point at which we decided to stop and reset.
After back to back pregnancy losses, I was shattered physically, emotionally and psychologically.
Shame, isolation, grief & discouragement made those the darkest days of my life.
Besides God and the support of my husband, family & friends, do you know what pulled me out of that place? OTHER PEOPLE’S STORIES.
I would spend hours on the pregnancy loss pages on BabyCenter, reading about other women in similar situations. Whether they were sharing their victories or their pain, there was healing in knowing that I wasn’t the only one.
As I healed, I opened up to a few ladies around me and to my surprise, I discovered a surprising number of other women who had lost pregnancies before having children. I felt comforted but perplexed as to why pregnancy loss is so common but remains so stigmatized.
By creating this blog space, I am declaring that I am no longer ashamed and that my testimony is bigger than my feeling of failure. I am declaring that even though it took me a long time to stand, I’m standing now and I can pull others up.
I know that my story is a drop in the ocean. But I’m sharing it to bring someone else hope, comfort and validation.
Navigate My Fertility Journey Posts
Waiting & TTC
+ 5 MUST-HAVE Fertility Products To Help You Conceive (+ 4 Bonus Items Some Women Swear By)
+ 37 Ways To Survive, no, THRIVE through the Two-Week Wait
+ 6 Funny Things About Trying To Conceive That Everyone On A TTC Journey Will Understand
+ ‘All I Want For Christmas Is A Baby’: Infertility During The Holidays
+ The Bright Side(s) Of Infertility
+ 7 Products GUARANTEED To Bring A Little FUN Back To TTC
+ Infertility in African Culture – 4 YouTube Videos That Capture The Experience
+ 11 Fertility Affirmations To Transform Your Mindset While Trying To Conceive
+ 46 Infertility Quotes – When You Feel Hopeless & Beat Down
+ Mothers Day & Infertility Don’t Go Together: 4 Thoughts To Get You Through The Day
+ 8 *easy* Everyday Hacks That Actually Boost Fertility (How to Apply “It Starts With The Egg”)
+ The Ultimate Formula for a Fertility Smoothie (+ 9 Delicious Recipes!)
+ Real INFERTILITY STORIES: 14 Journeys to Parenthood
Product Reviews
+ FertiliTea
+ PreSeed Lubricant
Recurrent Pregnancy Loss
+ My Miscarriage Story
+ My Ectopic Pregnancy Story
+ Waiting For Miscarriage: Finding Out You Will Miscarry Before Your Body Does
+ Coping With Recurrent Miscarriage When You Feel Like You’re Losing It
+ 25 Miscarriage Tattoos to Honor Your Loved & Lost
IVF & Fertility Treatments
+ Best IVF Care Packages and Gifts to Show You Care
Hope
+ Bible Verses About Infertility – To Comfort You & Bring You Hope
+ Emotionally Drained: How I Bounced Back From Extreme Discouragement
+ How To Be More Positive
+ 11 Fertility Affirmations To Transform Your Mindset While Trying To Conceive
Endometriosis
+ What To Expect From Endometriosis Surgery
+ The Best Laparoscopy Packing List for Endo Warriors + FREE PDF Printable
+ 10 Thoughtful Endometriosis Gifts
+ What To Do For Endo Belly
+ Endometriosis Support Groups: Online, Social Media & Locally
Hope is the only solution to heartbreak.
And when you’re feeling as if the future is bleak, I pray that you find hope here.
I hope to continue to share the ups and downs with this blog community. And I hope you come back & visit often!
