As husband and wife, setting marriage goals helped us to approach life as teammates. This post is a list of marriage goal ideas to help you do the same.
Marriages don’t run on autopilot. They require work. I’m sure you’ve heard that before.
Most of us have other types of goals- financial goals, career goals, fitness goals….
But can we say that our marriage is a priority if we don’t have marriage goals?
I personally don’t think so, which is why I’ve written this post.
(I’ve written about relationship goals before, but I decided that we need a specific post on marriage goals).
Whether you’re an old married couple, newlyweds, a thriving couple or a couple going through a tough time, setting husband and wife goals is a great foundation on which to build a happy and successful marriage.
You’re a team! And teams don’t win when players don’t ever come together to form a strategy.
A unified vision and plan always leads to better outcomes.
Why It’s So Important to Set Marriage Goals
Short & long term marriage goals are important because they:
- Unite the two of you with a common purpose
- Motivate you to keep going when times are hard (or the relationship feels a little stale)
- Make it harder to take each other for granted
- Keep you accountable so that you don’t stray too far from what you’ve both agreed on and…
- Help you to achieve some really awesome stuff together!
Think of this goal-setting exercise like a team building exercise!
- Go through the list of ideas below and pen down the ones that you would like to introduce to your relationship
- Then, discuss them with your partner
- Finally, get specific about your plans to implement each goal!
15 Husband and Wife Goals to Strive for in Your Marriage
Below are some ideas and inspiration to build your own marriage goals list.
Remember to make them specific to the unique needs of your relationship. (And to pick a combination of fun and serious goals!)
1. Read a Marriage Counsel Book Together Every Year
You are partners in love and life, so wouldn’t it make sense to arm yourselves with all the tools that you need to make your partnership thrive?
One way to invest in your marriage is to be proactive about getting marriage counseling.
And before you say you don’t need it, listen up.
There are different ways to achieve your marriage counseling goals.
✓ Read a marriage book.
Google or ask successful couples that you know for good marriage books. (I personally always recommend The 5 Love Languages to start off with).
✓ Listen to marriage audiobooks.
✓ Attend joint marriage counseling or personal counseling separately.
Individual counseling is beneficial in ways that benefit your relationship down the line.
If money is a concern, counseling may be available through your church or even work.
The overall point is: marriage counsel doesn’t need to be a last resort. You can set a goal to start now.
2. Keep Intimacy a Priority
Your most important marriage relationship goals will probably fall into this category.
And when you hear intimacy, don’t just think about bedroom activities (though that is important). Intimacy is connecting deeply by giving each other dedicated time and attention. It also involves being vulnerable! It’s that feeling you get when you feel like they know you to your core.
Some specific ways to prioritize intimacy are:
- Unplug at set times and spend one on one time with each other
- Tell your spouse how much they mean to you
- Send spicy, flirty text messages
- Surprise each other with things you know the other will like
- Have meaningful conversations (like with these 200 deep, conversation starting questions to ask your spouse).
There are a ton of ways to fan the flames of intimacy in your marriage.
The important thing is to figure out what does the trick for the two of you (and that will change with time), but stick with it.
3. Learn and Practice Each Other’s Love Language
Like I alluded to earlier, a book that I recommend often to married or engaged couples is The 5 Love Languages by Gary Chapman.
Seriously. I talk about love languages frequently and I talk about them enthusiastically.
Because you want to make sure the gestures of love that you think you’re showing your spouse are actually being received as love by your spouse!
✓ If you need to figure out each other’s love languages, take this Love Language Quiz.
✓ If you’re already familiar with your love languages, then it’s time to do some research on the best ways to show your partner love in their language.
For example, if his love language is words of affirmation, I wrote up this list of words of affirmation to send your man.
In my opinion, this is a very important goal for your first year of marriage.
Make a goal to do something that falls within your spouses love language every single day.
4. Save Up for a Special Couple’s Retreat
Set a goal to go on a couple’s getaway once a year. It is a wonderful way to keep the chemistry alive and keep things from getting monotonous.
Your couple’s retreat can be a meaningful time for you both to make goals and plans for your family and relationship. Or it can just be a time for you to relax and have fun. That’s important too!
You can travel and cross things off of your couples bucket list, or it can be a staycation and y’all can keep it local.
You can even go with other couple friends!
There are so many ways to get this goal accomplished. Just make sure that you do.
related : 14 Fun Activities for Couples While Social Distancing
5. Institute a “Marriage Checkup” (Weekly or Monthly)
The most important thing about a check up is that you have them before you need them (much like your yearly checkups at the doctors office).
That’s why it’s smart to schedule them ahead of time and keep each other accountable to the scheduled date and time.
Scheduling a relationship check-up weekly, monthly or quarterly is a smart marriage goal because it builds trust, improves communication and prevents pointless fights.
Fun fact : I like to call our marriage meetings our "State of the Union" (get it? get it?? lol).
6. Communicate Openly & Honestly on a Regular Basis
Communication, communication, communication. It’s the one word that you will always hear tossed around with all marriage advice.
And for good reason. It can make or break a marriage!
I love this article I wrote about unspoken expectations and how they’re killing your relationship. Check it out for more discussion on how proper communication can keep that from happening.
7. Pray Together Every Night Before Bed
Praying together daily is one of the best Christian marriage goals to make.
The bible, in Matthew 18:20, says “For where two or three are gathered in my name, there am I among them.”
Not only is praying together an awesome way to invite God into your relationship, home and family, it is also very comforting and inspiring to hear your spouse lift you up in prayer! It is another way to increase your intimacy and grow spiritually.
8. Set a Schedule for Date Night and Stick to It
Dating shouldn’t stop just because you’ve married.
I think we all kind of know this at this point, but when the crazy winds of life blow, it’s super easy to abandon this ship.
I’m certainly not exempt. It’s been hard for us to stick to a regular date night. But when we don’t, we can feel the intimacy start slipping away and the distance slowly growing. This is why this goal is more important than it looks!
Set aside sacred time for each other and leave the business and chore talk out of it! Your marriage will only thrive by doing so.
Here are some fun date night ideas that you can enjoy right from home.
9. Count Your Blessings Together
If you find yourselves feeling negative or stressed very often, then this is a good goal to add to your lists.
Living with someone day in and day out can lead you to take that person for granted and forget about all the things you’ve been through together.
When you make a point to show gratefulness, you are certain to feel much more positive about your life and much more content with your relationship.
Some ways to count your blessings together are to tell each other 5 things that you are thankful about before going to bed every night or at the start of each date night.
10. Be Intentional About Supporting Each Other’s Dreams
Future plans for married couples should incorporate each other’s hopes and dreams.
When your husband or wife expresses their desire to get another degree or switch careers or start a side-hustle for example, it’s important to be their biggest cheerleader!
I truly believe that no one should cheer you on louder than your spouse.
Even when you don’t have specific goals in mind, there’s still something very intimate about dreaming and talking about your future possibilities.
Whatever it may be, give your spouse your vote of confidence by offering your help, asking them about their progress, encouraging them and reassuring them of their abilities.
11. Learn a New Skill Together Each Year
What are most friendships based on? Common interests, common values and reliability. And as a married couple, you two should be the bestest of friends.
By adopting this goal, you can strengthen your friendship by pursuing a new, common interest.
Agree on a new activity to try together for a year and then stick it out!
At the best, you’ll both find a new hobby that you’re obsessed with. And at the worst, you’ll make some great memories to cherish for the rest of your lives.
12. Always Kiss Each Other Goodnight
It is important to include some simple rituals like this on your list of married couple goals.
Though simple, they often get lost in the shuffle of everyday life. Giving each other a kiss at bedtime, come good times or bad, is a way to maintain connection (even when you’re not on the best terms).
If your schedules don’t allow, make a simple adjustment by starting each day with a kiss instead.
13. Create a Clear Vision for Your Retirement
An important part of setting marriage goals is to work towards something. For many of us, that something is retirement. This is a must-have marriage goal for several reasons:
✓ It’s actually one of the most important financial goals for married couples.
Being proactive about discussing your money strategy prevents misunderstandings.
✓ Working toward a vision that you are excited about brings joy and purpose to everyday life.
✓ It reassures your partner that you are in this marriage for the long-haul. There is so much security that comes from hearing your spouse plan a life with you years and years into the future.
As you go through life together, make sure to revisit this vision and evaluate your progress periodically.
14. Dedicate a Day to Couples Self-Care Each Month
A lot of these goals have to do with doing things together, but how about relaxing together!?
Couples massages, breathing exercises together, reading the same book, scenic, silent walks and warm bubble baths…
Engaging in self care activities as a unit allows you to share an atmosphere of peace and calm that feeds your relationship.
15. Complete a Home Improvement Project Together
To me, one of the most symbolic husband and wife goals is to build something together. It’s the ultimate representation of how you two can come together as one and make something that otherwise would not exist.
The home that you both live in provides a great opportunity for this.
One of your goals can be to complete a home improvement project that you’ve had your eye on for a while.
Now, I want you to be careful here. Know your personalities, because this can also turn into a headache if you’re not careful.
I recommend starting with a low stakes project and not something too ambitious. We wouldn’t want this DIY project to cause more division than togetherness!
At this point, you should have a very solid list of husband and wife goals written down right?
The next thing that you are probably wondering is how to achieve your marriage goals.
While that is best decided between you and your spouse, some pointers that I can give you are to:
- Talk openly and in detail
- Set goals that have numbers: how often, when and for how long
- Put them on a couples vision board so that you can see them constantly
- Track your progress
- Don’t give up! If you mess up, keep trying!
- Show your spouse grace. When either of you forget or fail to stick to a goal, just brush it off and keep going!
That’s about it!
What are some of the marriage goals that you’ve set in your home? I’d love to hear about them in the comments!